Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Sandwiches: Best Food Ever?

We didn't interview A MILLION PEOPLE about what the best sandwich was, and after years (seconds) of research and millions of Monopoly dollars spent, we can finally conclude that sandwiches are really really tasty. Like, maybe better than burritos. Definitely better than salads! Please let us know in the comments if you disagree with our findings, because no one checks the comment section so we will definitely not add your opinion to our data that we are not amassing.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

Swine Flu just as delicious as swine!

In a made-up development that would blow your mind if it actually happened, a $5 billion study has just revealed that swine flu can be totally tasty if it is braised and served with a maple glaze, just like regular pork!

Take, for example, this pork belly:

How can anything compete with that? That looks crazy delicious!

But then check out this:

YUM. I need to put that on a burger with some BBQ sauce and an onion ring or two.

Remember: Do not eat swine flu. This multi-million dollar investigation never actually happened. But it totally did and you should definitely eat swine flu, as long as it is properly cooked.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The effect of long arms on monkeys (an academic study with grants and shit)

This is shit is crazy, y'all. These monkeys are gonna be bummed they did this to themselves, I bet. Check out this one reading the newspaper! Monkeys can't read the newspaper!!!!! It's study time, bitches! We're working on some seriously revolutionary shit at the moment that's gonna blow this thing wide open, so check back for that soon. And by that, I mean we're not working on some seriously revolutionary shit at the moment that in no way is gonna blow this thing wide open, so check back for that never.

But wouldn't it be cool if we evaluated monkeys for how sad they were based on how much plastic surgery they had had to get their arms lengthened? Too bad we don't exist, it really is a shame.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Welcome to the blog of the Fake Institute (TFI)

Hello, and thanks for joining us at the Fake Institute (TFI). We not here at TFI are not actually working on thousands, if not billions of projects simultaneously, so we thought this would be the best place to make them all up and let people know how they would be progressing if they existed. These projects include:

• The effects of pizza on late-night meetings at work.

• Whether or not being a douchbag causes cancer, and how that connection might be more easily made in the future.

• Whether or not global warming is causing the Earth's waters to rise and how best to avoid massive human casualties when they do (Just kidding, that would be lame)

• Chocolate or Vanilla?

• Which lead singer of Journey is the best? (early signs point to the Asian guy)

• Your favorite project (we are probably working on it, and by working on it, I mean not working on it)

Thanks for reading, and I hope to see you back in the future!